Long distance relationships are impossible.
This sentence was said my course mate in University a few weeks ago. I recently got a chance to listen numerous presentations about Long-distance relationships and what surprised me was the opinions of pretty much all the students presenting. One said that LD relationships are basically impossible and he would recommend them to no one. One expressed her opinion on how LDR is actually a good way to get to know your partner and you should actually seek for LDR more than the “normal relationship”. Also, more than half of the presenters agreed in the opinion that LDR is pointless and long-distance marriage is even more pointless – if you can’t meet, what’s the point in dating?
As someone who has been in a long-distance relationship for last 3 years, listening to these opinions made me furious.
I might be too romantic but I don’t think relationships are something you can “recommend” to someone. Also, I think you don’t actually choose your partner yourself. At least not so calmly that you could ask all the important questions about your possible future life before falling for him/her. And even if you knew that you can only get into LDR with the person you are falling for or have already fallen for, does that actually stop your feelings towards that person? Also, what about when the one you’re in a relationship with suddenly moves far away from you – is it easy to just stop the relationship there? I don’t know what you are thinking but for me, the answer is no.
Basically only thing I agreed on with the presenters was the point of LDR being impossible. I understand it’s impossible, I have noticed it myself these years. But hey, isn’t love what makes the impossible possible?
That being said, let me tell you how it’s actually possible have a happy relationship even with the distance problem. These tips have worked for me at least.
1. Skype as often as possible, preferably every day.
Or FaceTime, or just call each other, whatever, as long as you get to hear your partner’s voice. I honestly think this the most important point in making LDR bearable. You get to talk with each other and tell what you have been doing that day, you’ll get to talk about everyday things like meals, get to ask your partner how he/she slept last night, maybe can even participate in each others day a bit. Also, as probably everyone who has been separated from a loved one for a long time knows, it’s amazing just to hear the voice of the one you love. I think calling each other often also has a role on confirming the state of your relationship. However…
2. Try to not over-think.
And by this I mean overthinking things like how your partner feels or why couldn’t he/she Skype today. Asking these kind of questions only make you anxious and you’ll never know the answer no matter how much you think about it. I also don’t recommend asking your partner about his feelings for you too often, it can become quite annoying.
3. Send each other real letters or tiny gifts.
Simply because it just feels so special to receive a letter. Also, it’s nice to have something in your room that always reminds you of your partner so if it’s possible, I really recommend sending each other tiny gifts sometimes. Nothing too expensive or big, just something nice that your partner might like or that would remind him of you.
4. Do your best to be able to meet as often as possible.
I think this goes without saying if you really love each other but if it’s possible for you to meet, do your best to actually meet as often as you can. Don’t push it or sacrifice too much but just do your best. I’m in a relationship with a distance of 10k kilometers but I’m still meeting my love about 4 times a year.
5. Don’t give up to temporary temptations.
There might be times when you temporarily feel less affected to your partner and more affected to a random person you just met in a bar. There’s nothing wrong with these kind of feelings and you shouldn’t feel too guilty of them but don’t act according to them. You will regret it later. If you think you won’t have regrets later on, I honestly think you should end the relationship with your LDR partner as soon as possible. Or at least have a good talk with your partner.
6. Talk about your future.
What are you going to do in the future? Is LDR just a phase in your relationship or will it be like that forever? For me, it would probably be impossible to be in my current relationship if we never talked about our future – where we will live together.
7. Be honest with each other
Last but definitely not the least, be honest with each other. Even tiny white lies are lies and not telling your partner about a party you’re going is practically a lie. If there’s something you can’t tell your partner, there’s probably something wrong.